When feedback gets rejected

I received a request from an Impact Loop reader about how to best approach a situation where a team member does not accept the feedback you offer when you are their manager or leader.

It is never an easy situation so here are some ideas to consider -

1. Reflect on your contributions

• Timing and Environment: Did you give the feedback a stressful time for the other person, or in a public setting? This may lead the other person to feel defensive.

• Delivery: Was your delivery clear, constructive, and focused on the behaviours or actions you need to see, rather than the person themselves?

• Understanding: Are you sure the team member has genuinely understood the feedback? There may be a misunderstanding which you can overcome through another discussion.

  Allow some time for you and your team member time to think about the first conversation and then revisit with a fresh perspective.

2. Re-engage with Empathy

• Acknowledge the other person perspective: "I sense you might disagree with my feedback. Can we talk about how you see things?"

• Focus on active listening: Genuinely try to understand their reasons for resistance. Is it about the feedback itself, the delivery, or something else?

• Involve them in solutions: "Can we work together to find a way to address this that works for both of us?"

3. Adjust Your Approach

• Reframe the feedback: Can you present the same information using different, less personal language?

• Use examples: Instead of generalisations, can you provide specific instances where the behaviour you want to change has occurred?

• Ask open questions: Focus on asking question to help the person discover the need for the feedback, and solutions, themselves. For example, ask "How do you think this situation impacted the team's outcome?"

4. Focus on Impact

• Explain the big picture: Help the team member understand how their behaviour impacts the team's goals and overall success.

• Explain the impact on the team member: Sometimes, focusing on the negative consequences for themselves (missed opportunities, team friction) can make feedback sink in better.

Something to note - if someone is consistently resistant to any feedback, it might signal a deeper performance or attitude issue that needs to be addressed separately and with more serious discussions.

If you have a topic you would like to see covered in a future Impact Loop, please just get in touch.

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What will you do differently next time someone has difficulty with the feedback you provide?